It’s been a busy week, but I’m super glad to say exams are almost over! YIPEEE! So to all my followers and anyone who has read my previous posts, thank you so much! I’ll continue to post more and more of my writings now. Also a shout out to my new readers (if there are any, traffic seems to be quite slow. PLEASE HELP AND SPREAD THE WORD) Please feel free to comment, follow or just browse around, I will be eternally grateful to you. In the future I’ll focus more on developing and making this blog more attractive and varied in its posts, so stay tuned! So as I was saying, the May/June 2014 exam season is almost over! Time to catch up on all the movies and TV episodes I’ve missed, and what better time to do it than during the lonnnng post-GCSE summer holiday? 2 solid months of waking up late, balancing my laptop, food and drinks in bed, and most of all living my life on MY terms (or at least as close to my terms a 16 year old can get, which my parents never fail to remind me). The thing is, after all the relaxing and indulgence and late-night procrastination, what next? Slight topic shift. I might change schools next year, which is a result of my Mother’s decision. I’m not sure about the change, because I am quite comfortable in my current boarding school, even though I don’t have many friends. I just don’t seem to fit in with the others in my year group in the boarding house, but visiting my future boarding school, I feel like changing will be an even worst choice. So I have vehemently objected and argued against my mother’s decision, which resulted in more than a few heated phone calls and messages, but that’s another story for a different time. The main point is changing schools was considered from an academic point of view rather than my personal happiness in my mother’s eyes, and the reason is to secure my future by getting a good degree. I know that everyone goes through emotionally tumultuous times, and if you want to share your story or feelings please don’t hesitate to leave a message down below. It’s good to know that there are other people out there who can help not only me, but other readers in general to see from a different perspective and maybe, just maybe, open our minds to something we have never considered before. So let’s start with my family. Growing up in quite a traditional and academically focused household, from day one my life was planned and set to follow my mother’s vision, which was: 1. Get good grades all the way from primary to high school. 2. Get a good university degree. 3. Get a respected and high-paying job.* 4. Retire early. 5. Catch up on lost fun (or as much as my then-aching bones will allow) 6. Die having accomplished nothing but a boring and unfulfilling life. * If you have time get married and have children, but WORK COMES FIRST. Some might say “Nothing wrong with that, every parent wants their child to be successful, no”? The problem is, my mother went a bit extreme. I missed out massively on my childhood, having spent most of my free time in tutorial classes or extra study sessions. Due to their helicopter parenting I was never allowed to make any of my own choices, which has turned me into an under-confident and introverted individual. It was only after coming to England for boarding school and escaping the clutches of my parent’s mind-control was I able to meet people who were free thinkers, not motivated by money or fame but by their love of their subject. Fast forward a year and a half since coming over. I said to my parents “I want to study Maths in university”. That was my dream, my life’s goal for the future, but sadly it wasn’t congruent with my mother’s script. So instead of any encouraging words or support I was met with barrages of opposition from my parents, relatives and teachers, so much so that my self-esteem was crushed and I began questioning myself. “What if I’m really not good at Maths? Unlike any of the great Mathematicians, I showed no interest in Maths when I was young.” This made me give up my interest in Maths. You could say my love for the subject wasn’t strong enough for me to be able to resist their oppression, but ever since I was small I wasn’t allowed to choose. I was afraid of all the “How will you get a proper career?” and “I know a friend’s son who gradated from Harvard in a wishy-washy degree but has no job now” prophecies of the future. It doesn’t help that my interests jump from field to field all the time. I started playing the violin at 12 and wanted to be a concert violinist, then picked up a guitar and wanted to be the next Mark Knopfler. I had a stint dreaming to be an actor after watching Game of Thrones, but I wasn’t thick-skinned enough to resist failure and mockery. So I thought if I can’t participate in portraying those stories, why don’t I study them instead, and decided to study English Literature at uni. As it goes to show, saying I’m not focused is an understatement. (Do you think I have ADHD?) The only one thread that has linked all my 16 years on this earth was reading. As I was a quiet child, instead of jumping around in the playground during break or hanging out after school with friends, I read. This went on through primary school, so I was very lonely back then, but I didn’t notice. All I wanted to do was to escape into this parallel universe where reality was whatever I wished it to be. Secondary school started, and as puberty arrived I quickly realised what a bloody fool I have been. This was all back in Hong Kong then. I had little to no friends, had no one to talk to as my family were emotionally reserved, so I tried to transform myself from a timid mouse into a social lion. But how? Again I turned to books, but this time the “realities” inside pages were able to come alive, albeit a bit, and influence my life. I was overjoyed! Thus starting from year 8, I began my transformation, or more like my emotional development and maturation. I still have much to work on, which is one of the reasons I started this blog, to document my road to finding meaning in life. But for now I am afraid of saying what I want to do out loud, as my previous proclamations all turned out dead. This summer, and the next 2 years that follow, will probably be me just drifting among subjects and hobbies, trying to hold on to anything that is anchored to truth and beauty while travelling along the vast emptiness of existence. Where is a map when you need one? Anyway, what is your situation and what are your aspirations?
Creating Quotes 